Convertible Submarines

Big ex-public sector large corporation publishes RFP titled “Request for flying machine”. The RFP gets a big push. The government hails it as an effort to modernise the transport infrastructure of the country. Media rejoice that “finally, travellers in this country won't have to suffer through a crumbling public flying system”.


Word gets out and potential suppliers strive to answer the request as closely as possible. After months of initial bidding, three suppliers make the final list. Supplier A, famous for creating big passenger aircrafts. Supplier B, known for their excellent jet engines, trying to make a move into the “whole aircraft industry”. Finally Supplier C, a small time custom car producer.


After a fierce bidding process, Supplier C gets chosen to lead the development of the new aircraft.


Having no experience in creating airplanes, C announces the development of a revolutionary aircraft platform.


A short private meeting is held at Supplier's C headquarters. Board members and chief officers declare that it is too expensive to hire new employees with Aerospace engineering degrees. Experienced Aerospace engineers are even more expensive, thus the only solution is is to re-train the existing base of car mechanics and mechanical engineers. After all, they wonder, what's an aircraft but a car with wings?


Thus, the first task of upper management is to find engineers willing to create the new platform. After a certain number of phone calls, All senior engineers and mechanics are lined up. A short Stalinist-era process of finding volunteers follows.


“Who amongst you knows how to design aeroplanes?”, yells the CEO, in a severe tone.

“There are no aerospace engineers here Sir”, answers a young mechanic.

“Fired for lacking team spirit and having a defeatist attitude”, the CEO yells back at the mechanic.

“Now how amongst you is brave enough to carry this monumental task?” continues the CEO,


After a couple of more chilling comments from the CEO, they finally find a willing engineer. He is immediately promoted to “Master Stuff Engineer”, and tasked with transforming a car into a plane.


While somewhat puzzled, the willing engineer cheerfully starts developing the new car. There is no time for designs, so he just start putting everything together on the fly. The initial concept is a four sitter with wings glued on the sides and a jet engine on top of the car. After a few failed experiments the team finds out that their new creation explodes during landing. So they reinforce the gas tank with depleted uranium. That makes the vehicle somewhat heavy so they put extra big jet engines. There is a high mortality rate for test pilots, so the company tries to pass a law to have convicted criminals as test pilots. The insurer also insists on cutting the life insurance to just one salary for all involved in the project as they seem to die abruptly during test flight. Extra funds are requested from the government, as the cost of the project is spiralling.


Five years later, corporation C comes out with a prototype. They call it the “autoplane” as it combines the best qualities of a plane and a car. They call Eurocorp (the RFP issuer) to a demonstration flight. While trying to steer the autoplane, another pilot dies. The project is declared a success. However after all this time it became evident that what was needed for improving the public infrastructure was really a public bus with wings. All rejoice and throw the original designs away.


Another fives years are spend designing the Busplane. Government departments keep ordering more from Corporation C. Convertible Submarines and RiverBoatSpaceShips are being requested every day, only to be revised some months later. In order to help universities “monetise” research, a new university department is established, with focus on “hybrid super-vehicles”.



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The above is somewhat absurd, but it's every day life in the world of work. We keep creating stuff we don't need only so we can keep the capital flowing.


Book of the week is Dune by Frank Herbert. The spice must flow.